Jordon and I are coming up on our first anniversary, so don’t worry I’m not about to act like we know all of the ins and outs of marriage! However, with starting our life together so young and also throwing a baby in the mix, I think sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit! We got pregnant and married when I was 18 years old which completely fast tracked our lives. Not that it was a bad thing at all, but we didn’t give ourselves much time to really discuss how we wanted to be as parents, or even a married couple for that matter. No one can ever be 100% ready for a baby (sorry!), and with babies, it definitely does make your relationship with your spouse more challenging, that’s no secret. I feel like people always say that though, and never really explain. Let me elaborate!
(He also “didn’t have time to shave” so in honor of keeping it real with you guys!)
When you have a baby they are a lot of work! Shocker right?! To be completely honest, I was terrified during my pregnancy that mine and Jordon’s relationship would start deteriorating, and we would forget who we were as a couple, instead of just a mom and a dad. With full transparency, sometimes we do, or even a lot of the time we do! I think as parents you are so focused on the to do list and making it through another day and you forget to just enjoy it. I hate to break it to you girls, but more often than not, we struggle with this more than the dads. It’s stressful!
With feeling this way, I think it is so very important to make time for date night! Even if that just means sending baby/kiddos to grandmas for a couple of hours so that you can go get ice cream and go for a drive together! Everyone’s idea of a date night is going to be different, but just get out of the house! It’s nice to have movie night together as well, but if you’re like me you’ll be constantly tempted to get up and do the dishes, laundry, etc. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate (but every couple of date nights you should definitely get dressed up and treat yourselves!). Go out, dress up, impress your partner like you’re still trying to catch them! This helps so much not only with your confidence, but really just feeling like you again. I’m not sure if everyone’s like this, but I just feel so much better when i’m dressed up!
For Jordon and I, date night usually consists of getting semi dressed up, going to dinner, and probably a movie or shopping. Before we had Keaton, it was so easy to make date night, because we could really go anytime we wanted. When you have a baby it takes a little more plannig, but baby or not, I still think date night is super important for any relationship. Just set aside a couple of hours a week for just the two of you. You will be so surprised the impact it has on your relationship!
It’s so crazy when you become a parent and you’re no longer “Malyn” you’re just someone’s mom. Those first few weeks are really the hardest when it’s just you and baby 24/7. We all love our babies and love to spend time with them, but it doesn’t make you a bad mom to need a break! It doesn’t make you bad parents when you put your spouse first! In fact, for your marriage to work with children your spouse still has to be your number one, after God of course. Sounds backwards, right? Yes, your focus shifts mostly to your baby and his will too, but ultimately you’re on the same team. That’s your partner, your number one, and parenting is something you both have to figure out together.
Through all of the talk about Keaton, bottles, sleeping, and eating, sometimes I forget that I’m in a relationship with my husband not a business partnership. So when we go out, I get a chance to let all of the little thoughts go and focus on spending time with him. Remember why it’s him that I am taking my journey with, and the one that I chose to spend my life with. We forget who we are when we become parents, and when we get a chance to take a step back it’s almost like you can fall in love all over again in one night. All of a sudden he’s not dad anymore, he’s just Jordon, same cute guy I met 4 years ago.
How do you and your partner make time for date night? What do you normally do, and how often? I would love your tips and suggestions!