I remember before we got married all of these thoughts were running through my mind. I knew I wanted to be with Jordon forever and I wanted to get married.. one day. But let’s face it, when you’re 18 years old and have your whole future flash before your eyes with a positive pregnancy test and an engagement ring, you’re going to be a little scared to say the least. It’s crazy to think about it now, because I feel like I was almost more scared to get married than I was to be a mom. I mean with the mom thing, that was decided the moment I found out I was pregnant, no turning back, but marriage? I was terrified! With that said, this has no reflection on my feelings for my husband, I love that man, I did then and I always will, it’s just a lot for a newly high school graduate. I didn’t know how to be a good wife (news flash: no one does), and I was and still am a very young adult! I was thinking, what if I wake up in 10 years and realize this was all a mistake and I never actually got to be young and have fun? With that said, I am not going to sit here and pretend I have all of the answers. Heck, I have only been married a year, and I can tell you right now, even those who have been married for 30 or 50 years still don’t have all of the answers. I do, however, know what it is like to be super young and getting married. I know all of the crazy thoughts that come to surface about “I do”, so read up, and I hope answering the main questions can help you!
Am I too young?
Here’s the common misconception about age: You have to be at a certain age (more than often mid to late twenties) before you are emotionally mature and ready for marriage. WRONG!
Here’s the misconception about marriage: You need to have all of your ducks in a row (good job, stable income, nice place to live, a solid plan for the future, etc) before you invite someone into your life. WRONG again!
Here’s the truth, I was listening to the Porch (a Christian podcast I talk about here) and they were talking all things marriage and dating. The speaker talked about how back in the day, people got married very young, there was no perception about how waiting forever is best. Now though, we feel like our whole lives need to be perfect before we can share it with someone rather than building that life together. This hit home with me a lot, because I feel like people are waiting longer and longer to get married and they never do because the timing is just “never right”. Can I tell you a secret? It never will be! Your life will never be perfect, there is always going to be something else you want to accomplish, one more thing you want to get straight, etc.- that’s just life.
To answer this question though, for the girl who is young and in love and wants to get married, don’t let your age stop you! It’s all about your relationship with your partner and with God, as long as you can keep those strong through the hard-I mean really hard times, then put a ring on it!
How do I know if he’s the one?
Man, is that not the age old question?! I know the answer “when you know, you know” is super annoying, so I am going to try and steer clear of that. I think it takes a while to know, honestly. Jordon started talking about marriage way before I did, and I think everyone has their own process when coming to the conclusion of why that is the person they want to marry. For me, I am completely obsessed with my husband and I have been since I saw him with his shirt off after a football game my junior year (he loves this story, P.S. think that’s why we got pregnant so soon? Lol!) We got to know each other super quickly and I shared things with him I had never shared with anyone before, he truly is my best friend. When we would talk about our future we had the exact same vision in mind and obviously you want someone with a similar vision when it comes to the future (raising kids, where you see yourself living, etc.). I’m not saying we agreed on everything, we still don’t, but you should have the same/similar core values. You also need to take a step back and ask yourself if it is a healthy relationship!! This is so extremely important! Some people won’t like this, but I am telling you, do not marry him solely on the fact that you love him! Yes, you need to love him, but you also need to like who he is as a person and how he treats you. When you get married you are partners for life, in everything. Keep that in mind. Also, if you don’t have the same values and core beliefs, please girl, don’t waste your time, there are more fish in the sea!!
How does getting married young change your life?
One of my biggest questions before I got married and had my son was, am I going to miss out on things people my age are doing? Yes! Not as much probably if you aren’t having babies right away, but you will still miss out on the things young people think are worth their time. You won’t be going out all night, bar hopping, spending the night with strangers, and flirting with boys. Can I tell you another secret though? None of that stuff matters and it will never leave you feeling fulfilled. I see so many people my age going out all of the time and just looking for the next party not knowing that is nowhere near what is going to make them happy. Yeah, it’s fun, but it’s not where you want to live your life. I can see now that I am truly not missing out on anything that I want to be a part of, yes I like to go out and have few drinks every now and then, but that is not what holds my happiness. If you are holding off on starting your life to enjoy the parties or sleeping around, all you’re doing is wasting it and making the void in your heart bigger. This does not apply, however, if you truly aren’t considering getting married and you are enjoying yourself (but parties and multiple boys still won’t bring you happiness, babe).
I had so many questions before I got married. I am not saying that you should solely go by everything I said, but I do hope it can help anyone who is in this situation. It’s normal to feel a little uneasy, just follow your heart. Although I may have second guessed myself a lot, marrying Jordon was the best decision I have ever made, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel that way (except maybe when he throws his clothes on the floor next to the laundry hamper… kidding!) Ultimately, you know what you want to do, don’t let pre-wedding jitters get the best of ya!
On a sort of side note- I also got the question, “how do you do it?”, as in after I got married and had my son, how the heck am I still standing?! My biggest piece of wisdom I think I could offer here is: take it day by day, and accept that not all the days are going to be “good”! Keep your eyes on God even when everything else around you is going up in flames. He will pull you out, but maybe not exactly when you want Him to. It’s all in God’s perfect timing, not ours.
I am happy to answer any other questions you may have!
Thanks for reading!