Let’s talk about mom guilt, k? We all experience it. Guilty for not spending enough time with them. For spoiling them. Not packing the organic lunch. Being a working mom. Being a stay at home mom. Anything and everything. But what happens when you don’t feel guilty?
Yes, I know the title of this post is a bit contradicting, but I feel like if you know you know, right? You guys get it. It’s like we are so trained to feel guilty for doing things for ourselves that when we do something for ourself and enjoy it- WE FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT FEELING GUILTY! Like geez you guys! Let’s just get it out there now, if you feel guilty about things you do or don’t do for your kid, chances are you’re a good mom. If you were half as bad of a parent as you think you are, you wouldn’t care enough to second guess yourself.
It’s okay to not want to be with your kid every second of everyday. It’s okay (more than okay) to do things for yourself that don’t involve your child. The more you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of your kid(s) (and all the relationships in your life while we’re at it)–trust me! Honestly, screw that person that tries to make you feel guilty for that (Even if by chance it’s your partner. No shame. Have a serious talk and if they are still angry it’s most likely something with them and not you, and if you want something to change in your relationship you have to start by changing yourself!) Go workout, get your nails done, take an hour in the bath, get drinks with some girlfriends, hell whatever makes you happy-do it! Maybe you’ve never even felt mom guilt-don’t let anyone make you feel bad about being confident in your parenting! It just means you’re secure that you’re doing your job in loving that human God gave you!
(I want to add here that when I say to do all of those things I obviously mean in moderation. Like don’t go out until 2 am every night because that makes you happy, you know? Just to clarify-maybe I should practice what I preach on being confident that it came off okay the first time? lol)
I had a girlfriend over not long ago (who never takes time for herself) and I was trying to explain why she desperately needs to! Or rather maybe I was kind of yelling to get it through to her-gotta do what you gotta do, lol. Anyways, the question came up of what exactly I do during the day. If anyone reading this is curious, I keep the books for my husband’s dad’s road construction company (which normally only takes about half of the day) and then I come home and continue my real estate classes (I’ll let y’all know when you can hire me ;)) and work on creating content for you lovely people reading this. Of course what followed was, “so why don’t you just keep Keaton here while you’re doing that?” As you can imagine, that made me feel guilty even though I know exactly why I don’t, and she wasn’t trying to make me feel bad at all. If anyone else is wondering, Keaton first started going to daycare when I was still in college (I can talk about my decision there as well if you really want haha!) and working, so obviously he had to. By the time I withdrew from Texas State, he had made all of his little friends and absolutely loved, and still loves, going there (which makes me super happy because I can’t imagine if he hated it). Anyways, we decided to keep him there that way he can have fun (much more than he would here) and I could focus on my stuff without getting distracted every 5 seconds or yes, feeling guilty for not giving him enough attention.
Basically here are the takeaways that I want you to put in your back pocket when you start to doubt yourself:
- Don’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself when you’re away from your child
- Don’t feel guilty for counting down the minutes (hell the hours, let’s be real) until bedtime
- Don’t feel guilty for working
- Don’t feel guilty for staying home with your baby and not enjoying every second like people say you should (I promise you they didn’t enjoy every damn second and I’m so over people saying that!)
- Don’t feel guilty for singing your praises when Grandma wants to have a sleepover!
- If someone is deliberately trying to make you feel bad I promise you they weren’t perfect parents who raised perfect kids. Then remember hurt people hurt people.
- If you care enough to feel guilty and your child is fed & loved-you’re a good mom!
- You need an identity outside of being a mom. They are going to leave us one day and we need to know who we are as an individual.
- Putting your needs first sometimes will allow you to better tend to their needs.
- We all make mistakes, so did our parents. Odds are they’ll turn out fine. LET IT GOOOOO.
DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING HUMAN, GOT IT?!
Thanks for reading!